What are Girls Made of?
by Aichurro
Summary: "I've been feeling something lately. Something that has been bothering me. It's been driving me crazy, tugging at my heart every day. A-and I'm afraid. I'm afraid everyone will hate me. I just feel different. I feel...like a girl." In which Nitori Ai becomes the first female student to attend Samezuka academy.
1. Chapter 1

**_TW: Transphobia, Homophobia, Slurs, Bullying._**

**_You have been warned, so enjoy!_**

* * *

_He_

She sat in the shower, clutching her legs close to her naked body. The hot water hit her short hair and flowed down her pale body. She sniffed and pulled herself closer.

_Him_

Her chest was flat and she clutched it tightly, crying loudly. She didn't want this. She never wanted to be born like this. She was different; a freak in others' minds.

_His_

Her roommate knocked on the door. "Nitori. Are you okay? You've been in there for a long time."

Her voice cracked as she spoke. "I'm fine, Matsuoka-senpai. I just got some soap in my eye." She lied. Nitori looked down at her crotch and began to cry harder.

'_I never wanted to be born as a boy.'_

* * *

She stared at herself in the mirror, now calm. Her wet hair clung to her face. Nitori took a small lock and tried to measure how long it had grown. She knew it wouldn't long enough for her to pass. She knew people will still call her a boy. She lifted her shirt up, fit to a male's body, tracing her fingers along her bruises.

Some boys in town had lifted her skirt up and decided to teach her a lesson in 'not being a fag'.

She had walked home, clothes tattered and bloody, simply stating the boys had made her wear a skirt and then beat her up.

"Nitori, if someone's bullying you, just tell me. I'll beat them up! I was bullied a little in Australia, so I understand." Rin squeezed her shoulder in re-assurance. Nitori knew that Rin wouldn't understand. Nobody would.

Nobody would understand what it felt like to be a girl stuck in a boy's body.

* * *

Nitori walked silently behind Rin the next day, clutching her bag tightly. The collar on the shirt was tight, the chest area of the jacket too loose, and her pants were too tight. She stared down at the ground, barely watching where she was going, lost in her own thoughts.

When Rin stopped suddenly, Nitori bumped into him. "Cough it up." Rin crossed his arms. He was giving Nitori a stern glare, making her wince.

"W-what? Did I do something wrong?" She asked, looking around. She would have hated to do something wrong.

Rin sighed and ruffled Nitori's hair. "There's something wrong with you. What is it?" He asked, glaring down at her.

She knew that he would pressure her into saying what was wrong. There was no point in hiding anymore. "Could you do something for me?" Her voice was quivering, barely audible. Her breathing was erratic and she was dizzy. What if Rin didn't like her anymore because of it?

"Yeah, sure."

Nitori sighed and began to let the words pour out. "I've been feeling something lately. Something that has been bothering me. It's been driving me crazy, tugging at my heart every day. A-and I'm afraid. I'm afraid everyone will hate me."

Rin's face softened. "What are you talking about? I'd never hate you. You can tell me anything and I'll still be there for you." He smiled down at her.

Nitori sniffed loudly and tried to contain her tears. She knew she would break down eventually. "Well, the feeling tugs at my entire body, really. I just feel…different. I feel…like…" She paused and face dropped.

"…a girl."

She braced herself for the worse, expecting to receive a harsh blow or words from Rin. Instead, Rin threw his head back and laughed loudly. "You were afraid to tell me that?" He laughed, clutching his sides.

To be honest, Nitori was surprised. She thought he would hate her, but instead, Rin was laughing. "W-what?"

"You could have just told me earlier. I don't mind or care. You're still my kouhai, boy or girl." Rin grabbed Nitori's shoulders. "I could get some clothes from Gou if you need some. Whatever to make my little girl happy."

Nitori couldn't help herself. She lunged herself at Rin, hugging him tightly. She sobbed into his jacket. "T-thank you so much, senpai."

"Rin."

"What?"

"Call me Rin, Ai." Rin ruffled her hair.

Nitori smiled up at him and started to run off to class. "Okay, Rin Ai!" She giggled.

"Oh! You know what I mean!" Rin chased after her, angry.

Nitori was glad that there was somebody that cares about her.

* * *

'_What are girls made of?'_

Nitori stared out the window, eyes locked on a tree.

'_Sugar, spice, and everything nice.'_

She loosened her jacket up.

'_Why.'_

She grabbed her hair and bowed her head.

'_Why couldn't I have been born a girl?'_

She buried her face into her hands. Despite her best effort, she broke down. She sobbed like a child, unable to stop. When some boys asked her what was wrong, she didn't answer. When a teacher led her out of the classroom and into the clinic, she cried even harder.

_He_

She hated that word.

_His_

It wasn't hers.

_Him _

She didn't want to be called that.

_Boy_

Nitori grabbed the side of her head, threw her head back, and began to scream. She was alone in her dorm. The nurse didn't want her to go to swim practice, which she happily obliged to. She screamed as loud as she could, tears burning her face. Her chest was pounding and it felt like she was going to explode.

"I'm not a boy!"

She screamed the 4 words as loud as she could repeatedly until she eventually collapsed onto the bottom bunk and fell asleep from pure exhaustion.

* * *

Nitori walked down to the cafeteria, receiving strange looks from the other boys. They pointed at her and laughed, whispering amongst themselves. When she went to sit down, the boys pulled her chair away, making her fall.

"Sorry, we don't let girls sit with us." One of them spat.

Her heart dropped. There was no way anyone could have heard her. She was alone. "What are you talking about?" She managed to say. Nitori was nervous, feeling like she was about to faint.

Another spoke up, kicking Nitori, who was still sitting on the ground, lightly. "We heard what you were screaming. You're such a freak." He growled.

"No…" Nitori tried to cover her ears.

"You're not a girl."

"You're a boy."

Their words seemed to drown her, pulling her further down, about to kill her.

"Leave me alone, please." She whispered, trying to get them to stop.

"Oh? He's asking us to stop. Too bad, sissy. If you want to be a girl so badly, then just kill yourself and pray you're re-born a girl." The first one hissed.

One of the others laughed. "We could make him one tonight, with a knife."

Nitori shook her head and cried loudly. "Don't touch me!" She stood up, trying to run away. There weren't any teachers in the room, so Nitori wouldn't be helped.

Just as she had given up on hope and rescue, somebody said behind her, "Hey. I've been looking everywhere for you." Rin grabbed Nitori's shoulder. "And what are you all talking about? Nitori's just like the rest of us." He tried to defend Nitori. She knew he felt bad for miss gendering her, but she knew it was for her safety. "He's a boy. Maybe you heard someone else."

"No. It was him." The leader, the first boy, pointed at Nitori. "Are you another fag? Maybe his boyfriend?"

Rin glared at him, ready to fight, until he glanced at their ids. "Oh? You all are first years. I'm a second year, so I can make you all do exactly what I say. Isn't that right, Nitori?" He glanced at Nitori, who nodded. "You all better scram before I go and get your roommates. It would be bad if I told them that you were bullying another student and disrespected an upperclassman."

The boys looked at each other and sighed. "We're sorry." They bowed and ran away.

Rin turned to Nitori and smiled. "I'm sorry about that." He apologized.

Nitori glanced down at her shoes and grabbed her arm. "No, I should be sorry. I dragged you into this." She managed to say. Her eyes were droopy. "I guess I'll always be a boy. Forever."

Rin rolled his eyes and grabbed Nitori's wrist. "Come on, stubborn. I have something I need to show you." He dragged her out the doors.

Nitori cocked her head, running after Rin. What could he have planned?

* * *

Nitori put her hands against the wall, trying to balance herself. Rin had insisted on not letting her see anywhere where she was going. She knew Rin wanted to show her something, but they were just walking to their room! Rin covered her eyes, leading her into the room. "No peeking." Rin slapped Nitori's head when she tried to look.

She had to cover her own eyes when Rin tried to get everything set up. The curiosity was killing her; she wanted to know what he was hiding!

"Alright…now." Rin gently put her hands down. "You can open them."

When Nitori opened her eyes, she gasped and had to cover her mouth. On her desk lay a sailor uniform (one of Gou's old uniforms) and a long grey wig, to match Nitori's hair. "R-rin…" She picked them up.

"Do you like them? I bought the wig and got, well, stole the dress from Gou." Rin bounced on his feet like a child.

Nitori's mood darkened. It was a nice effort, but the incident earlier was still bothering her. "I like them, but I'm not a girl. I never will be. I'm stuck as a boy. Forever." She dropped the wig on the ground. "Those boys were right. I'm not a girl, I'm a boy. My dream will never come true."

Rin shook his head, grabbed the wig off the ground, and brushed it. He turned Nitori around and stroked her face. "Ai, forget those

"What?"

Rin bopped her nose and hugged her. "Will you go on a date with me?" He asked, voice peppy.

Nitori pushed herself back and shook her head. "I thought you didn't like guys."

Rin laughed and brushed Nitori's bangs back, placing the wig on her head. It went past her shoulders and blended in. He tilted his head to get a better look. "Well, I'm bi. So both, actually. But guys aren't really my thing."

Nitori's eyes dropped to the ground and raised a hand to pull the wig off. Rin grabbed her hand and held it in his. "I like pretty, sensitive, and smart girls. Like you." He pulled her close.

Nitori wrapped her arms around him. Rin hugged her tightly and ran his fingers through her wig. "Do what makes you happy, Ai. You want to be a girl, so be it. You're a girl. You'll be a girl."

Nitori smiled and hugged tighter. "Thank you. Am I a pretty girl?" She asked, eyes shining.

"The most beautiful and loved girl I've ever met."


	2. Chapter 2

**_Same triggers as before._**

* * *

Nitori ran her fingers through her wig. It was soft and thick, much like her own. She had decided to wear the wig until her hair grew long enough to be in a bob cut. She and Rin sat at a table in a diner, sipping milkshakes. "What are we going to do after this?" Nitori finally sat her milkshake down to ask.

Rin sat his hamburger down. He had small pieces around his mouth. "Shopping. You need some more clothes, right? I just can't keep "borrowing" those dresses from Gou; so I'll buy you some dresses. You'll have to get dresses and skirts, because pants will reveal your…uh…parts. Plus, you look cute in dresses." He made Nitori blush.

"O-oh thank you." It bothered her that Rin would have to buy so many outfits for her. "Is it okay? You know, that you're buying all of this for me."

Rin nodded and smiled. "Of course it's fine! If a friend needs clothes and is need, I'll buy the clothes for them. Plus, I just got my paycheck from work, so I have some money left over from paying the fees for school." Rin explained. "And you look cute in dresses."

Nitori felt her face burning. She prayed it wasn't showing. "Thank you, Rin. It means a lot to me, really." She couldn't explain just how much it meant to her and how much she cherished having such a great friend. Normally, she would have expected someone just to laugh at her when she told them she wanted to be a girl and needed girls' clothing.

Rin wiped his mouth. "I have a question."

"Go for it." Nitori placed her napkin in her lap.

"When are you going to tell the captain? He needs to know so he can make you comfortable." Rin said. He knew Nitori wasn't thinking about telling him, but he needed to do so soon; they had a tournament coming up.

Nitori shrugged. "I guess at practice tomorrow. I have a few days before it, so I can make time for it. Plus, he's our neighbor too, so I can just walk over and tell him the situation." She explained. "Maybe he won't make me swim. Or he'll let me wear a girl's uniform, or I could wear a shirt." She bit her lip, nervous. "But, what if he kicks me off the team?" Her voice shook.

Rin sighed and gripped her hand tightly. "Ai, it'll be okay. Mikoshiba's very understanding. He'll do anything to make you happy. A bigger question is, when are you going to tell your parents?"

The girl's eyes widened. "O-oh. I forgot about them." She looked down at the table and smiled. "Maybe they'll understand, like you." She looked at her reflection, eyes shining. "I look so much like a girl as it is. Maybe the transition will go well."

Rin grinned and stood up. "Come on, the store's far away, and it's getting dark." He helped her up, paid, and walked Nitori out the door.

Nitori couldn't help to blush at Rin's gentleman like attitude toward her.

* * *

Walking down the street, Nitori gasped as the street lights flickered on. The sun was setting, and Nitori was starting to get cold. She shivered and rubbed her arms, not letting it go unnoticed by Rin. "Are you cold?" He looked down at her. He held her hand tightly. "Do you want my jacket?"

Nitori shook her head, the unfamiliar wig fibers being thrown around. "No. I'm fine." She shivered again. Rin rolled his eyes and took his brown jacket off. He placed it around her shoulders and wrapped her in it.

"Better?"

Nitori nodded, now warm. "Thank you. How far away are we?" She looked around.

"Not that far." Rin said, noticing that Nitori was starting to slow down. Eventually, she stopped in her tracks. "Come on, Ai." He groaned and tugged Nitori on.

Looking around at her, Rin saw that Nitori looked horrified. "R-rin. It's them." She whispered, voice shaking. "I can't let them see me…" Nitori pointed to a group of boys – the same boys who had tormented Nitori earlier in the week.

Rin exhaled sharply. "It's okay. Get behind me." She did as told. "Look down, don't say anything." He ordered.

As they walked past the boys, they started to cat-call Nitori. "Hey babe, wanna come back to my place?" One of them – the one who started the fight – called out towards her.

Nitori kept her face hidden, trying to keep them from recognizing her. "You're that boy from the cafeteria!" Her heart sunk, but relaxed when she realized they were talking about Rin. "How'd you get a babe like her?" One of them tried to grab Nitori's arm, but Rin slapped his arm hard.

"Because I treat girls like humans and not like property. Go back to the trash where you belong." Rin hissed, furious. He took Nitori's hand and they both started to walk away. The boys stood there in shock, no knowing who the girl was or expecting Rin's reaction.

"Sorry about that." Rin apologized, placing his arm around Nitori. "All men are pigs, what can I say?" He laughed.

Nitori shook her head. "N-no! There are some nice guys…" She paused and hesitated, knowing that Rin was joking. "But thanks. How can girls put up with crap like that? It's sickening." She huffed and looked around at all the stores. "Are we there yet?" She whined.

Rin groaned and pointed to a large building. There were a lot of girls from neighboring high schools there, so Nitori was convinced she could pass. Maybe they would complement her! When they walked inside, the smell of perfume and the loud voices of girls assaulted them. Rin approached a cashier and asked her a question. "Where can I get some dresses?" He noticed the lady was staring at him. "For my girlfriend." He pointed to Nitori, who blushed.

"What bra size are you, honey?" The lady asked her. Nitori's face turned even redder. "It's okay; I need to know so I can get you the right dresses."

Nitori squirmed lightly. "Um…an A. I guess. I can't fit into a regular bra." She tugged on her training bra lightly. She quietly blessed Gou for giving Nitori her old bra.

The lady giggled and led her to a rack. "Here. These look like they'll fit you well; and they'd look cute on you!" She left them. "And don't let your boyfriend be a pervert, okay?" Both of their faces turned red.

Rin nodded. "I'm not." He turned towards Nitori. "I guess they're not too open towards guys, are they?" Nitori rolled her eyes and grabbed a pink dress.

"It's because it's a _girl _store. Aimed at _girls._" She sassed. She laughed when Rin tried to grab her and tickle her, but she jumped into the changing room quickly.

"Hey, Ai. I'm gonna give you some more dresses to change into, so be prepared. You have to let me see them when you're done trying them on." Rin stuck his hand over the door and gave her three more dresses.

Nitori was fascinated with all of the dresses. They were precious, and fit her perfectly. She was having trouble keeping the wig straight; it kept tangling up and crooked. She came out, and Rin gasped at her beauty. "You look…amazing." He gaped at her. His eyes were wide and sparkling. "Do a little twirl, please."

Nitori put her hands on her chest and spun twice. A few girls around them looked at her, told her how cute she looked, and also stayed to watch her spin again in her new dresses.

Several dresses and several spins later, Nitori was down to the last dress. It was black with white ruffles. It went a little above her knees and it was puffy. It had a white bow on the back. Nitori fixed her troubling wig again. It was having a hard time staying straight and untangled. She didn't pay much attention to it.

The girls and Rin cooed at her. "You look adorable, Ai." Rin stood up with the rest of the dresses. "I've already paid for these. And that one too."

Nitori laughed. "You should know better than to buy something before I try it on." She smiled.

"Wait. Twirl." Rin said, stopping her. Nitori sighed.

"Really?"

"Yes."

Nitori rolled her eyes, and to the amusement to Rin and the other girls, she spun. She spun more than usual, giggling and closing her eyes. The others were cheering for her, but suddenly they stopped. Nitori paused and looked them all. Rin's eyes were wide and scared. He was pale. He was whispering something to Nitori, but she couldn't understand what he was saying over the gasps over the girls. When she went to pull the wig hairs around her shoulders, she couldn't find anything.

Her heart dropped at seeing the wig lying next to her feet. It had fallen off. Her short hair stuck out, revealing her sex. She couldn't talk; she was terrified.

The cashier they had earlier approached Nitori. "Get out."

"What?" Rin stood up, grabbing Nitori's arm. "We're customers."

The lady snarled at him, "I told you, no perverts." She hissed.

Nitori was staring in shock and fear. The girls started laughing or yelling at her. "S-stop." Nitori whispered under her breath. "I'm a girl." She mumbled.

The cashier grabbed her by the ear and Rin by the arm. Rin had bent down and stuffed the wig into his bag. "You're not allowed to come back in here you perverts! You're sick; a boy wearing a dress!" She yelled at them, pushing them out the door.

Nitori collapsed on the steps and started to cry loudly. "Why?! Why can't I be a girl?" She screamed loudly, Rin trying to comfort her. "Everyone will know. They'll all know I want to be a girl." She trembled in fear. "W-what if the boys at school find out?" She grabbed Rin's shirt tightly. "I can't let them know." Her eyes were wide with worry.

Rin grabbed her hands. "It's okay. I'll talk to those boys. If anyone says anything, I'll tell them you lost a bet and had to wear a dress." He hushed her. He pulled her closer.

"I'm sick of hiding who I am…" Nitori rested her head on his shoulder.

The red-head asked her, "If you're okay with it, do you want to tell the captain later? When you're calm?"

Nitori sat up and sniffed, wiping his eyes. "If you're with me. I don't want him to get mad at me."

Rin laughed. "He won't. He's very understanding and nice, so there's no way he'd get mad at you."

The girl stood up and brushed herself off. "Let's go back." She stumbled a little, so Rin helped her stand and walk back to the dorm.

Nitori tried to fight back her tears of humiliation as they walked past a few of the girls from the shop.

* * *

Mikoshiba groaned and got up from his bed to answer the door. Someone had been pounding on the door hard and wasn't taking "go away" for an answer. He opened the door and was greeted to Rin and Nitori. "Matsuoka, Nitori? What are you two doing here? It's Friday; you two should be out doing something fun." He looked at Nitori, who had Rin's arm wrapped around her. He widened his eyes as he saw the dress she wore. "Why are you wearing a dress?"

Nitori broke down again and cried into Rin's shirt. "That's what we need to talk to you about. It's about Nitori."

Mikoshiba didn't know what he was talking about, but he let both of them enter and sit. Nitori sat at his desk chair while Rin stood. Mikoshiba sat on his bed. "What's this about?"

Rin grabbed Nitori's hand. "Nitori…well…I'll let you explain it." Rin didn't want to say the wrong thing.

Nitori sat up straight in her chair. "Captain, I've wanted to tell you something. I told Rin, but I was too scared to tell you." She squirmed, golden eyes staring her down.

"What do you need to tell me?" He asked. "It'll be okay."

She wiped her eyes and began to explain the situation. She tried to stay composed, but to her amazement, she did so. Mikoshiba listened to her, arms crossed. He didn't smile or say anything. Rin was afraid he'd kick her off the team.

"So. Let me get this straight. You want to be a girl?" He asked.

Nitori nodded. "Simply, yes." She was shaking. "Please don't kick me off the team." She begged.

Mikoshiba laughed and stood up. "Why would I do that? Because you're getting comfortable with your gender? That's stupid." He ruffled her hair. "I can't get you a girls' swimsuit, but you can wear a tank top if it'll make you feel better."

The girl sighed in relief. "Thank you so much." Tears welled up in her eyes.

"Oh no." Rin hugged her tight. "No waterworks tonight, missy."

Mikoshiba put his hands on their heads. "Not on my watch!"

Nitori hugged their arms and couldn't help but cry. She cried loudly, smiling. "I'm sorry." She wiped her eyes.

"Why are you crying?" Mikoshiba asked.

She started to cry again. "My friends…they're just so…understanding and loving. Thank you both so much!" She bowed her head. The two laughed at her. They helped her up and hugged her once again.

"We'll try to make you as comfortable as possible." Rin said, squeezing her arm.

"Because you're our precious girl, and we'd do anything for you!" Mikoshiba laughed, holding both of them tight.

"Thank you so much! It means so much to me, really!" She said, smiling wide. She was grateful she had such understand and wonderful friends.


	3. Chapter 3

'_Freak!'_

_A foot stomped down on her chest hard. The breath escaped her and she was unable to breathe. She was kicked again to the point of coughing up blood. 'You're such a freak! You'll never be a girl!' He grabbed her hair and pulled her off the ground. 'If you want to be a girl so badly, I'll make you one right here and now!'_

'_No! Let me go, please!' She screamed, body aching. _

_She was pushed down again. She coughed and sobbed into her arms and the ground. She tried to cover her head, but the beating continued over her entire body._

'_S-stop, please…' She cried as the male grabbed her skirt and lifted it up._

'_You'll never be a girl! You're just a fag who just needs to be taught a lesson!' He screamed at her and slapped her face._

'_Stop it!' She screamed and tried to fight back. What had she done wrong? She couldn't help it._

'_Stop it, Rin!'_

* * *

Nitori shot up out of bed, hyperventilating. She clutched her sweat-soaked shirt tightly. She wiped her face; she had been crying in her sleep. "It was just a dream." She whispered to herself. She glanced up at the clock and saw that it was almost 6 in the morning.

"Ai? You okay?" Rin spoke up. She knew he had heard everything. "Did you have a nightmare?"

Nitori's breathing was still heavy and she was terrified to answer. "Y-yes." She said after a few minutes of hesitation.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Rin turned the light on. "You were crying and kicking in your sleep. You were horrified of whatever the dream was about."

Nitori climbed down the ladder to the bunk. She sat on the bottom bunk with Rin. "It was about you and me."

Rin's eyes widened. "And?"

She shivered and crossed her arms. Her voice was breaking. "Y-you were beating me over my gender. You were calling me a freak."

Rin wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. "I'd never do that and you know it."

"It was so scary, Rin. It felt so real…" She started to cry. "I don't want it to happen."

"It won't, Ai." Rin reassured her. "Everything will be okay."

She was shaking badly. "What if it's not? What if everyone finds out? What if you or the captain accidently says something?" Nitori shook her head. "I don't want to be bullied. Not again."

Rin pulled her in tightly. "It's okay, Ai. School starts late today and we get to miss it for the game, so do you want to sleep with me?" He asked his girlfriend.

She nodded slightly. She was pale and looked like she was sick. Rin lay down and Nitori rested her head on his chest, his arm around her. "Rin… do you think I'd look pretty after the transition?" She whispered after a few minutes of silence.

The red head laughed. "You're pretty all the time, silly. Except when you're being a brat. You're just slightly cute then." Nitori slapped him lightly on the chest.

Nitori placed her head right where Rin's heart was. "I can hear your heartbeat."

"That, Ai, means I'm not dead."

"Haha. Thanks for the info, Rin. I like hearing heartbeats. And rain, too." She yawned. "And I like wearing dresses. Did you know that, Rin? I look pretty in them. I remember growing up; I would wear my mom's clothes and makeup. My parents and my brother would tease me, but I liked wearing them."

Rin noticed she was pausing between her words and she kept yawning more. "Go to sleep. You're gonna fall asleep soon." He kissed her on the head.

Before he knew it, both of them had fallen asleep.

Nitori only dreamed about one thing.

* * *

'_I look so pretty!' She looked at herself in the mirror. The dress went to her knees and the stockings were white. The petticoat underneath the black dress was puffy, but it made twirling a lot more graceful. Her hair was up in pigtails (she had bought a new wig) and her makeup helped accentuate her feminine face._

'_Did I do good?' Hands wrapped around her waist. _

'_It's 'well', and yes you did!' She giggled. Rin turned her around and lifted her off the ground and started to spin her._

_He put her down and both of them laughed. 'You're just so adorable, like a little doll. Never change, Ai.'_

_Nitori rolled her eyes and hugged her husband. 'Yeah, yeah.'_

_Rin grabbed her and started to tickle her. 'Don't sass me!'_

* * *

"Ai, wake up. Ai!" Rin shook her gently. She opened her eyes and stared at him.

"How did you get to that side? I was on the outside." She asked.

Rin sighed and helped her up. "You roll around in your sleep. A lot."

"Sorry about that."

He laughed at her and ruffled her hair. "Get dressed; we have to be on the bus in an hour and a half. Swim tournament is a long way away today."

Nitori groaned and took her pajamas off. "So…I can wear a tank top today?" Rin nodded and Nitori smiled. She took a black tank top she had and put it on. She started to put her swim suit on, but stopped. "C-could you turn around?" She was embarrassed.

Rin smiled and turned around. "Hey Ai. Do you know how much it sucks to have teeth like these? Especially when you're trying to eat and you bite your tongue." He said. He could sense Nitori trying to restrain herself from laughing. "Done yet?" He tugged on the waistband of his swimsuit.

"Yeah." He turned around and looked at Nitori zipping up her black jacket. "I like this jacket; it's warm and big."

"That's because it's my jacket."

Nitori's face turned red and started to take it off. "I'm sorry!"

"Don't; it's fine. I didn't want to wear mine all the way zipped up, so I'll just wear yours. Come on, we have to go." Rin held his hand out and Nitori took it.

"Say, Rin, why do you have a swimsuit where the inner thighs are see-through?" Nitori asked, walking down the hall with Rin.

Rin sighed. "I got it and I didn't know it was like that, so I have to deal with it." He explained.

Nitori giggled. "You have nice thighs, by the way."

"Shut up!" Rin hissed and started to chase Nitori down the dorm hallways.

* * *

"There you two are! I thought you two weren't going to show up!" Mikoshiba held a clipboard and was checking off names. "I'm glad you did; because if you didn't…oh the punishment would be awful."

"Sorry, Ai here was being…stubborn… so I had to handle her." They were the only ones outside the bus, so he used 'her' freely. He was gripping Nitori's wrist tightly. She was trying to pull away, but Rin would just tighten his grip.

"Okay, so the dorm master catches us, and I'm the one that gets in trouble?" Nitori whined.

"You ran right into him!" Rin snapped. "And he said that if I didn't punish you, he'd have both of our asses!" Rin started to drag Nitori up the bus steps when Mikoshiba stopped them.

Mikoshiba leaned over to Nitori and whispered to her, "Do you have a shirt to wear? I have an extra one if you need it."

Nitori smiled. "I have one, but thanks. How long is the trip?"

"2 hours." Cue a groan from the couple. "Yeah I know. So rest up because we'll be swimming our legs off today. And both of you better swim well or I'll make you guys swim 100 meters 100 times!" He pushed them up the steps. "Ready to go!" He told the driver.

Rin and Nitori sat near the front where Mikoshiba was sitting. Nitori couldn't stop thinking about the first dream she had. If Rin or Mikoshiba wasn't the one to hurt her because of that, then who was? Whoever it was, she wanted to keep it a secret for now. She was staring out the window, watching the road and scenery.

"Like that?" Mikoshiba leaned over to them. Rin was reading a book and listening to music, so only Nitori and Mikoshiba were talking. "You know…Iwatobi is going to be at this swim tournament."

"Really? Maybe Rin can hang out with them sometime!" Nitori smiled.

Mikoshiba rolled his eyes. "No, it's our time to crush them!" Nitori giggled and covered her mouth.

"And Ms. Kou will be there too. I need to thank her for a gift." She pulled a laptop out of her bag.

"What gift?" He cocked his head.

Nitori pointed to a picture on her computer. The wallpaper was a picture of her and Rin; she was wearing the uniform from Kou. "I got someone to take a picture of us on our date. Rin stole a dress from Kou, but I want to thank her for it."

"Does she know?"

Nitori shook her head. "I don't think so. But I'll tell her it was for a special friend of mine." She pulled up a webpage.

"Alright. I'm going to take a nap, so don't be too loud, the both of you." Mikoshiba grinned and leaned back in his chair.

The girl rolled her eyes and started reading some articles. The seats on the bus were large, so she didn't have to worry about anyone trying to look at her laptop. The articles were about hormone treatments and makeup to help her pass. A lot of the types of makeup listed Nitori had never heard of before. She would have to ask Kou about that. She wasn't too worried about her voice deepening, but she was worried about if she would get surgery or not. _'I don't want top surgery…but what about bottom?'_ She didn't know what to do. Her and her family wasn't the wealthiest, so it probably wasn't a possibility. _'Maybe enough estrogen to look androgynous? That sounds okay and less expensive.'_ She was mainly worried about money more than anything.

She exited out of the windows and looked through her pictures. She found a scan that Rin had drawn for her. It wasn't the best of drawings, but it meant so much to her. It was drawn on simple notebook paper and passed to her in the hallway. It was of Nitori; she was wearing her favorite dress and her hair was long. She was smiling with Rin, who was all dressed up. Both of them were smiling and giving peace signs. Nitori smiled and stroked the screen. She looked over at Rin, who had fallen asleep, and leaned over to him. "I love you." She kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you so much." Rin smiled in his sleep.

She pulled up a document, some journal entries, and started to read some of her old entries.

_ .XXXX_

_Matsuoka-senpai is cute. I don't know if I like him or not? But I don't think he loves guys. I improved my time at swim practice. The captain and Matsuoka-senpai cheered me on and congratulated me._

_ .XXXX_

_Senpai told me he was bi today. So I guess I do have a chance. I've been feeling a little differently today for some reason. I don't know what it is, so I'll just dismiss it._

_ .XXXX_

_Some guys at practice said I looked like a girl. What's wrong with looking like a girl?_

_ .XXXX_

_Senpai was scolding me for leaving my desk messy. He thought one of my diaries was my school journal, and he accidently found a doodle of me dressed as a girl. I'm so embarrassed._

_ .XXXX_

_I wonder what being like a girl feels like._

_ .XXXX_

_I don't know what this feeling is? My chest is tight and everything feels wrong. People keep calling me a boy but I don't want to be called a boy for some reason. I feel more comfortable being called a girl._

_(P.s. I bought a skirt today)_

_ .XXXX_

_I wore a skirt today for the first time. I went to the mall and changed in the bathroom. I was so scared, but people were calling me 'Miss'. I like being called Miss._

_ .XXXX_

_I'm never wearing a skirt again. Never. Today was the worst day of my life. My body hurts so much and my skirt is ruined. Senpai asked me why I was wearing a skirt when he found me. I lied and told them that they forced me into a skirt before they started to hurt me._

_ .XXXX_

_I told Senpai today._

_ .XXXX_

_Rin took me on a date. He bought a lot of dresses for me. I can't go back to that store again. Everyone knows I have a male body. _

_I told the captain today too._

_ .XXXX_

Nitori shifted in her seat. She didn't know what to put in today's entry. She had only read a few entries, but she noticed she had changed a lot over time. She glanced over at Rin, Mikoshiba, and at the picture again and knew what to write.

_ .XXXX_

_I'm a very pretty girl with wonderful friends._

_(P.S., I have a swim tournament today. I hope I'll do good!)_


	4. Chapter 4

_Nitori walked down the sidewalk, clutching her bag tightly in one hand and the other was holding her shirt. She hadn't intended to be out this long, but she stayed out until it was dark. She hated the dark. Nitori couldn't find an open store or bathroom to change in, so she would have to wait until she got back to the dorm's public bathroom to change._

_She felt like someone was following her, but she ignored it. She continued to walk until she got to an ally way and was stopped by two men. They only looked a few years older than her; probably third years or first years in university. 'Are you lost, little girl?' One of them stepped closer to Nitori, who in return backed up._

'_Oh no, I'm not lost. I'm going back to my school's dorm.' Her heart was beating fast. The wind was loud and heavy, blowing her short hair in her face. It was lifting her skirt up slightly, so Nitori pulled and held it down. 'Please let me through.'_

_She tried to push herself past them, but they grabbed her arm. 'You live in a dormitory, so you must be rich.' One of the boys grabbed her bag. He opened it and started to dig through it. 'Nothing.' He hissed. 'Where's your money?'_

_Nitori shook her head and squirmed in their grip. 'My family isn't wealthy, so I don't have enough to by stuff whenever I please. Please let me go.' She pulled on her arm, but the grip tightened._

_The one holding her grabbed her hair. 'I don't think so.' He grabbed her skirt and started to fumble with it. 'You're so cute, little one.' He whispered in her ear._

_Nitori closed her eyes and begged that they would let her go. 'Stop…please…' She gasped as her skirt was lifted. Her nightmare was coming true. _

'_Ahh…what?' The second boy eyed her, shocked. 'My, my. We have a little fag here.' Nitori squirmed. He grabbed her face. 'Why the hell are you wearing a skirt?' He slapped her._

_The next thing she knew, she was pushed into the ally way. The kicks and punches came as fast as their words. They rung in her ears; 'Fag! You're such a freak!'. They laughed at her, pulling on her hair and her skirt._

'_Stop!' Nitori coughed up blood. She was sobbing and begging them to stop, but her pleas fell on deaf ears. The first boy stomped down on her crotch, making her scream._

'_If you want to be a girl so badly, we'll make you one.' He sneered, pulling a pocket knife out. _

'_S-stop…' Nitori watched him with her eyes wide. _

_It wasn't until they had cut her several times did someone hear her strangled screams for help._

* * *

_She knocked on the dorm door, trying to compose herself. Nitori was in so much pain, bruised and bloody. They hadn't managed to cut her sex, but they cut her hair and cut her body multiple times. Had it not been for the nice shop owner who was locking up, they probably would have killed her. _

'_Nitori?' Rin opened the door, gasping at the sight. Nitori looked at him and fell, Rin having to catch her. She started to cry in his arms. 'Why are you wearing a skirt? What happened to you?'_

_Nitori blubbered out, 'S-some boys attacked me on my way home. F-forced me to…' She started to cry. She lied to Rin's face – something she never dared of doing before._

_Rin growled, 'I'm going to kill them. What did they look like?' He stopped himself, knowing Nitori was in no mood to answer questions. 'I'm going to call the police.'_

'_Don't. They don't care about people like me.'_

_She grabbed a towel from a rack and limped into the bathroom. 'Don't worry about it; I'm used to it.'_

_Rin didn't know what she meant by 'people like me' at the time._

* * *

'_Why am I thinking about this now?' _Nitori looked out the window of the bus. They had arrived at their destination, but Mikoshiba was still telling them what to do.

"No running! And don't act like idiots, especially you Komade!" He pointed at a red head sitting in the back. "And no getting in fights, _Rin._" He glared at Rin.

He threw his hands up defensively. "I've gotten better!" Rin grinned, glancing at Nitori, who giggled.

"Alright then, let's go." Mikoshiba grabbed his whistle and clipboard.

Rin stood up and stretched. "Man it feels good to walk again." He pulled his arm behind his back. He grabbed his and Nitori's bag and started to walk off the bus. "Hurry up, Ai, or I'll leave you."

Nitori jumped up and followed Rin, trying to pull the sleeves up of her jacket. "I hope we do well today." She said, following her boyfriend.

Rin rolled his eyes. "I know we will. If we don't, I've heard the captain yell before at full force. It's not pretty." They hopped off the bus.

"What was that?" Mikoshiba stood in front of them, eyebrow raised.

Rin didn't realize Mikoshiba had heard him. "Nothing!" He said quickly.

"That's what I thought." The captain went behind the two of them and grabbed their necks.

Nitori turned her head to look at the captain. "Captain, what's the lineup for today? When does melody swim?"

"Medley swims next to last. So Matsuoka and I go before you." He explained. "I swim first, then Matsuoka, and then you. Both of you better do well."

The two smiled and nodded, walking in the large building and into the stadium's locker room.

* * *

On the way to the locker room, Nitori could hear people whispering about her. "My my, he's so cute." She ignored them. "Is that a boy or a girl?" She tried her best to keep her focus on the tournament.

"Hey, Ai. You okay? You're acting funny." Rin pushed her lightly on the back.

Nitori shook her head. "People are talking about me. They're wondering if I'm a boy or a girl." Her eyes dropped. She sighed and clutched her bag tightly.

"Forget others. You're doing this for yourself." Rin poked her back.

"Yeah…" The words echoed in her head.

* * *

The Captain was up first. Nitori couldn't help but study his well-built body as he got into formation. He grabbed the edge of the white platform and at the sound of the whistle, he pushed himself of the platform and into the water. She stared at her captain in awe, wondering if she'd ever be able to swim like that.

Rin nudged her side. "Hey, don't be staring at any other guys." He gave her a stern look, but she knew he was joking. "Amazing, isn't he?"

Nitori nodded. "Yeah. I want to be just like him." Her eyes gleamed with joy when Mikoshiba slapped his hand on the pool side in victory in getting first place. "Huh? Oh you're next, Rin."

Rin groaned and stood up from their benches. "Wish me luck, Ai." The red head ruffled her grey hair.

"Good luck, Senpai." She smiled at him.

On the way to his platform, Mikoshiba high-fived him. The large teen sat next to Nitori, shaking her out of joy. "Did you see that, Nitori?" He grinned. He shook her shoulders and made her head go back and forth.

"I-I did! You're making me dizzy!" Nitori slapped his hand away. "Rin's about to swim! I think Ms. Kou is in the crowd, so I think the pressure is heavy on him today." She stared at the red head that was in position. She cocked her head and stared harder. Mikoshiba took a sip from his water bottle. "Rin has a nice butt."

Mikoshiba choked on the water and coughed loudly. "Nitori Aiichirou don't say stuff like that out loud!" He punched his chest.

Nitori couldn't help but laugh. "I'm just stating the obvious. Please, call me Ai." Nitori told him.

He nodded and gestured to Rin. "It's about to start."

A few seconds later, the whistle blew and Rin pushed off from the platform. The few seconds he was in the water, Nitori observed his body. She wished she was built like him and could swim as well as him. He had always told her that practice would help, but she was too lazy to practice outside the mandatory practices.

Rin slapped the side and looked at the time. He had come in first and had improved his time too. He pulled himself out and cheered as he walked back to the benches. "Ai! I did it! I told you I would be good!" He slapped Nitori's back.

Nitori bumped him with her elbow to get his attention. "I'm after this round, aren't I?" Rin nodded. She sighed. "I hope I do well."

"You better, or else."

"Or what?" Nitori looked at Rin from the corner of her eye.

He had a playful glint in his eye. "I'll tickle you." Nitori covered her torso with her arms; she hated being tickled. "So you're gonna do well?"

"I guess." Nitori could see the boy before her returning. "I'm nervous."

Mikoshiba rested his arm on Nitori's head. "It's okay, there's nobody here to judge you. You know, other than Matsuoka, Gou, and I." He rolled his eyes and looked around to see Kou.

Nitori shifted her head so the captain's arm fell off. "Speaking of Ms. Kou, could you both do something for me?" She looked at her upperclassmen.

"Sure, Ai, anything." Rin smiled.

Nitori lowered her head. "Could you call her Kou, please? She wants you both to call her Kou, so don't be mean. If you can call me by my preferred name, why can't you call her by her preferred name?"

The two of them felt like they had been slapped in the face.

Rin's eyes widened, not realizing what he had been doing. "Oh my. I'm sorry, Ai. I'll call her Kou. Sorry about that."

"Tell that to her." Nitori said, not meaning to sound rude.

Mikoshiba slapped Nitori's back and shoved her up off the bench. "It's your turn, Ai. I'll apologize to Kou later."

* * *

Walking to the platform, Nitori tugged on her tank top nervously. Negative thoughts raced through her mind. What if her tank top slipped off? What if she lost? What if she passed out? She grabbed the edge of the platform, rubbing her small thumbs onto the surface.

When the whistle blew, she instinctively took off. She loved being in the water; the cool liquid flowing over her warm skin gave her comfort. It was one of the few things that she wouldn't have to morph her body to fit in; it accepted her no matter what she was.

As her feet kicked the wall at the end of the pool, she extended her arms. For a second it felt like she was a swimmer with a female body. It felt nice. She made the turn and completed the other three strokes. She slapped the platform and came out of the water. She was breathing heavy and she pulled the wet black fabric from her body. She saw the captain and Rin gaping at her, but she didn't want to turn and look at the board. But when Rin ran at her and grabbed her shoulders and started to shake her, she understood.

She had won.

Rin led her over to the benches where Mikoshiba congratulated her. The larger person slapped her shoulders and ruffled her hair as the rest of the boys yelled in victory. They'd be able to move on to the next round.

"Ai! You did it!" Rin hugged her tightly. He whispered quietly into her ear so the others wouldn't hear him, "That's my girl."

Nitori couldn't wipe the grin off her face.


	5. Chapter 5

**_A/N: I'm so sorry this chapter is so short! (it's a little over 1000 words; probably my shortest) My laptop recently broke, and when I went to back it up, I put this chapter and the second chapter of my Eremin skype fic onto a flashdrive. When I went to put it back onto my laptop, it was corrupted and I had to delete it. So this chapter is much different than I had intended. Thanks!_**

* * *

After the tournament ended, the Samezuka team exited the pool's building. They didn't win the tournament over all, but they were proud of where they stood, second place. Iwatobi, their rival school, placed behind them. Nitori was proud of her taking first place in medley and making Rin proud of her. She was walking out with Rin when she heard a familiar voice. "Big brother!" Kou ran behind Rin and hugged him tightly, her long red hair brushing against her waist. "Both of you did very well!" She cheered, congratulating the couple.

"So I didn't?" Captain Mikoshiba crossed his arms, staring at Kou.

Rin laughed and pulled his sister around him. "You did okay…" He teased.

The large red head glared at Rin. "I came in first place! Tell him, Kou!" He whined. Kou's eyes went wide, noticing he called her by her preferred name.

"You called me Kou!" She gasped, shocked. She rarely had anyone call her by her preferred name.

Rin rubbed the back of his neck. "The captain and I have been meaning to apologize for that. We're sorry for not calling you Kou." Rin apologized, looking around her to see Iwatobi's team. "You four did great, by the way." It was still awkward at their last tournament and how Rin swam with Iwatobi instead of Samezuka.

Haruka, their freestyler, nodded. "Your team was very good, too." He noticed Nitori standing there silently. "Why were you wearing a tank top?" He asked.

Nitori hated that people were asking her that, but she should have seen it coming. "I have a few scars on my chest and stomach from having surgery." She lied. She didn't want to tell them the truth. Kou eyed her carefully and winked. Had Kou told her secret?

"Anyway, you did great, Nitori!" Kou came up next to her and started playing with her soft hair. Nitori loved it when people played with her hair.

Nitori watched Nagisa, Iwatobi's breaststroker, run up to her. He grabbed her hand, staring at her slightly longer hair. "Your hair is getting longer." Nagisa ran his fingers through her hair. "If you let it get any longer you'll look like a girl!" Nitori became pale. Rin and Mikoshiba's eyes went wide. "You need to cut it, Nitori."

Said girl slowly pushed Nagisa's hand away. She had to make sure she didn't slip up and accidently tell Iwatobi her secret. "It's okay. Thanks for your concern, Nagisa. I'm just going to cut it myself." She told him. Nitori didn't want her hair to be too long; the boys at her school might become suspicious, so she was just going to grow it into a short bob.

The blond smiled and went back to Rei's side. "Your bangs are uneven." Iwatobi's butterflier grumbled, adjusting his glasses.

Makoto, their backstroker, looked over at the Samezuka trio. "Ignore the two of them. They don't know what they're talking about." He walked up to Mikoshiba. "But remember, we'll crush you next time." He smiled. Nitori didn't know the two captains had such a rivalry.

The captain rolled his gold eyes. "Whatever." He waved his hand, but couldn't help but smirk slightly. "Remember, Iwatobi," He wrapped his arms around Nitori's neck. "We have Nitori, who's the best in medley!" Cue a blush from the shorter girl.

"I'm not that good." Nitori looked down, face red. She wasn't too confident about her swimming, especially when people would brag about her.

Rin scoffed. "Are you kidding me, Ai? You're the best I know." Nitori's cheeks turned the color of Rin's hair. She loved being complemented by her boyfriend.

Nitori stared at the ground, shuffling her feet. Kou spoke up in a cheerful voice. "Nitori, do you want to go shopping with me tomorrow?" She was smiling. Nitori could help but also smiled. She loved spending time with other girls, since it was rare for their academy's students.

"Sure." Nitori nodded, being released of Mikoshiba's grip. "Are we going to the mall?"

"Yup! And Rin said he'd pay for everything, isn't that right, big brother?" She looked at her brother with a slightly intimidating smile.

Rin glared at her, hands on hip. "_Excuse me?_"

Kou repeated herself. "You're going to pay for Nitori's new _clothes _that Nitori _needs_, right?" She tried to be as vague as possible.

The older red head's eyes widened as he realized what Kou meant. "Oh! Yes, I'll pay for _some _of it." The last time he went shopping with Kou, she emptied his wallet buying dresses. They were cute, but extremely and ridiculously expensive. He silently prayed Nitori wouldn't do the same, because in his mind, all girls loved to shop. "Don't make me broke again, Kou." Rin scolded her. "You know what happened last time."

Kou walked past him, giggling. "No promises!" She patted his shoulder playfully. Nitori laughed quietly and covered her mouth.

"Not you too…" Rin sighed and rubbed his forehead, nudging Nitori with his elbow. "Please don't get the expensive stuff."

Nitori looked up and rocked side to side. "I don't know if I will." She turned around and started walking back to the bus. Rin turned his head, mouth gaping at Nitori's attitude. "You'd better hurry or I'll leave you!" Nitori said in a singsong tone.

Rin grumbled, "Bye guys." He grabbed Mikoshiba's arm and the two walked to the bus.

* * *

On the bus, Nitori pulled her laptop out from her bag. Her diary entries were up. Her long and pale fingers lay on the keyboard. She noticed there were a lot of food crumbs in her keyboard. Rin scolded her a lot, teasing that the crumbs in there could feed the entire school for a week. Finally an inspiration hit her to write and she looked at her screen.

_ .XXXX_

_Today's tournament went well. We didn't win, but I won in medley. So that's good! We saw Rin's sister after the tournament, along with all of Iwatobi. Nagisa said I looked like a girl. I was so scared he'd figure it out, but nobody said anything. Kou told me we're going shopping tomorrow for dresses. I'm so excited._

Nitori didn't know what else to do, so she decided to look up pictures. She looked at pictures of bunnies for almost an hour. She couldn't get the thought of the friend-date, as Rin called it, out of her head. She finally has a girl that can accept her and be friends with her; something Nitori had always longed for.


End file.
